Monday, June 30, 2014

Bitter breakfast

This morning early enough I needed to dash to Harrisonburg to get supplies so I can hole-up during this upcoming heat assault!  As I got closer to going, I realized I was hungry and --

-- what better place to grab something quick, than the Burger King drive-thru, where my friend works???  My friend from the chronic illness group, who THEN invited me to her church's home-based Bible study ... that friend :)

Or so I thought.

This is a big, recurring theme in my life:  I think someone's my friend, more than they know they're my friend.

Back to our story here, folks .....

I could tell from our exchange through the drive-up's mike that my friend wasn't quite - herself ("Coffee?"   "No, I said Coke, please.  Coca-Cola!")  and was wondering what was up with that???  .... So I get to the window and "hey!"  "hi!  you look well!  your color is so much better!" I grinned at my FRIEND who was having a pacemaker implant on May 5th - I marked it on my calender to remember to pray and everything --

Well, she shows me the scar and says - oh yeah the doc moved it up so the surgery was just two weeks ago now .... Now, right at that moment, I want to know WHY he postponed a surgery that she needed a month before May 5th, to almost another whole month!  and it doesn't quite hit me yet, as we're having this conversation, because I'm not only wondering about that, I'm seeing why my friend is still a little - out of it - not quite as sharp --

she knows where I live, and my phone number, yet I never heard of this surgery change date

What does start happening, tho, is that - before I can transition the conversation to her new hairstyle and her new set of wheels in the parking lot - she goes over to the counter and - she's not just helping the new kid on the register:  she gets involved in this longwinded conversation with a customer there.  And that's when my stomach drops, and I feel like I'm in Maine again:  locals are loved so much more than the newcomers, and you can visibly see that ....

And   yeahhh, my stomach drops   and I can feel an impending panic attack coming on, from pushing down my emotions, but I'm staring off at the mountains in front of me, trying very hard not to lose it at the drive-up and so that's how I don't catch what's happening, until it does --

The kid on the counter comes over to give me my order, because she's too busy flapping her gums to do so, let alone so much as give me a good-bye, a hand wave, a promise of an update, anything at all 

It didn't take too long to get on to the highway, where I had a bitter breakfast:  an egg & cheese sandwich, with tears of anger, and a COCA-COLA to wash it down

I really wanted to go home and hide, but I had to get supplies .... and that was tough:  I just didn't want to be around people; didn't want to even remotely give a smile why should I, for pity's sakes?! it might just lead to yet another round of what just happened!!!

Home now (a-course!), recovering (?) from my bitter breakfast ..............

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