Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Early NYE dream ....

I so often write stories about going back in time and having a do-over, that I wasn't too surprised when I had a dream of such (laying down post-dinner zzz) ... what was unusual, however, was the location I found myself living in --

I wasn't 'just' living back in my parents house w/ my parents --

I was living out of the closet my father built in the basement, the one with two doors whose overlights came on when you opened the doors ... the closet that ended underneath the stairs.

I've pondered the meaning in this dream - yeahhh, yeahhh, closets and stairs are obvious metaphors ... but I was pretty sure it was something other than that -- and then, it dawned on me --

I am feeling so lost///unmoored, financially frightened, in my current life, that I not only want to go back in time - not make the same mistakes! to also be under my parents roof & protection -- I want to hide out there, away from everything -- but in a spot where I feel comfortable & where I know the really good guys, can find me (especially Dad - that was his auto tools closet, partially).

Here's praying for a far better 2015, where I no longer have such deeply-dreamt desires + + + 

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Rough day; trying to find gratitude ....

When I was out and about on this Tuesday, someone wished me "Happy New Year!" and I had to be honest with her:  I don't think so, honey, but thanks anyway ;-  

It's been a really rough day (physically, emotionally, and financially) and what I really REALLY need to do is to find some gratitude!!!  Things like this I usually do orally to God or written in my current journal ... but just before the day of NYE here, I thought I would blog them, so - here goes:

My eyes can see.  I have eyeglasses, w/ prescription lenses, & have even saved webpages w/ eyeglass frames I would like to have in the future (aye-aye!  ;)  )

I have two beautiful kitty-cats that love me.

I have food in the house (boy, do I ever!).  I even have peppermint candy in more than one type, for my postnasal drip tickles!  And I have coffee that's not stale and for right now, I'm still drinking the liquid creamer, and not the grit.

My electric is on (apparently ...!)

I can access quite alot of tv on my computer (even if it's not always the exact programs I want to see! -- seeing programs: refer back to previous entry ;)  )  I do have a computer - that works!

I have pillows, a bed, blankets, and it's all indoors (hey, at least for right now ;- )  Ditto with all the standard items in my own bathroom.

I've learned to keep some of the cold drafts out of the front door w/ no weatherstripping with my bathrobe and a towel ... also, I have a blanket at my feet, Dorothy-socks, and a lapwarmer that purrs!

I can drive, and I do have a vehicle.

My legs may hurt like hell & are stiff but hey! I can still walk around!!!

I do have friends that can be accurately put in the category of godsends!  And thank you God no one gave me anything weird for Christmas like novelty candy reindeer poop!!!

There is no snow emergency or hurricane going on here ... altho it is down to the teens - brrr!

There is no wine, no beer, no hard liquor, nothing of that kind, in my apartment ... thank you God that I don't have to live around that, either, because on days like today ---

Morrow in the Middle: December 24th: Holiday Lights and Teachers

Morrow in the Middle: December 24th: Holiday Lights and Teachers: Three years ago, my younger brother passed away a few days after Thanksgiving. We had all enjoyed a unique Thanksgiving that year, not on...

Thursday, December 11, 2014

A Dad story ....

I realized that it has certainly been a while! since I've shared a Dad story on my blog here ... so to begin this story, let me first quote a Biblical passage:

Isaiah 40:1-11

Comfort, give comfort to my people,
says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her
that her service is at an end,
her guilt is expiated;
Indeed, she has received from the hand of the LORD
double for all her sins.
A voice cries out:
In the desert prepare the way of the LORD!
Make straight in the wasteland a highway for our God!
Every valley shall be filled in,
every mountain and hill shall be made low;
The rugged land shall be made a plain,

When my parents purchased there suburban home, there was one design flaw that my mother just couldn't accept:  the backyard came with a little lawn ... and then a gigantic hill!  The neighbor to the left of us had such a hill, that rose nearly straight upwards in such a way that was fascinating for us kids but backbreaking for adults who attempted to terrace it! ... As I grew-up, I realized - hmmm, they have the hill ... and the subsequent houses going down that way also have hills (altho none as large) ... why don't we???  And so my Dad told me this story:

My mother took one look at the hill - one look at my father - waved her hand in dismissal, and said, "Get rid of it, Artie."  She had complete confidence that even tho he didn't work in construction - didn't even have his handyman tools he later came to own - that *somehow* he would do just as she requested.  He would figure it all out!  

This story, to me, is what I always looked for in a partner ... and what so many times I was heartbreakingly disappointed to find out I didn't have:  someone you could present a challenge to, and, without any further intervention on your part, would find some way to make that happen .....

My father noticed a guy with a bulldozer working several blocks away.  Now .. this was the late 50s, altho I dare say today, in my own life, this would have significant economic incentive to me, too!  ... Dad walked over there, waving a $20 bill that immediately got the guy's attention.  "Hey, pal, can you flatten a hill for me?"  

Sure!  No problem!  Lead the way, sir!

And the next time my mother was looking out her kitchen window, she saw exactly what she wanted:  a nice flat backyard :)