Thursday, May 18, 2017

Another shock ....

I honestly don't even know if I should publish after I type this out, because even without using names and details, it may just be too easy to put pieces together -- be that as it may, my solace, my way of working through something, is to write, so .....

I was just sitting here, watching a video, and I had an "oh yes! " moment : it was about creating a vision board ... and of course! I very distinctly remembered the dear soul who introduced me to one, and how all that came about, and so I did the 2017 thing - let me Google her ....

Well, she passed away several years ago now, actually.  She was still young enough to be out in the work force.  It was listed as "suddenly, at home".  She was not free from a serious illness back to the time I knew her (which was in the earliest part of the 90s), but she managed it very well - so well, in fact, that she was able to hold down a full-time, demanding job, raise 3 children, have a successful marriage, a lovely home, even counsel people on the side - which was actually where her truest calling and direction was, always, but economics of living in the most expensive state in the country dictated otherwise ... so - remembering all that she was to me in even the brief space of time that we worked together - I next decided to see if I couldn't find one of her children and write them a lovely little note on how dear their mother was to me.

AND THAT'S WHEN I HAD THE TRUE SHOCK

Back when we worked together, her two daughters were teenagers ... and she told me that she & her husband were going to have figure something out, about their working hours - because one daughter was starting to run a bit wild, and taking her sister along with her.  "Jean, I came home from work the other day, and the two of them are hanging half their bodies out the second-floor window, talking to these - guys - derelicts!" (or some word to that effect) "in these cars" -- you get the picture!  Well --

-- its not just what happened in the time after I knew this woman --

-- its the WHEN.  The when of what happened - of that one daughter that was the wild one as a teenager -- who became an adult that 'seemed' to be 'doing ok', including having 'a decent job' -- until it was discovered she had stolen a considerable amount of money from them.  And ... she did prison time for it.  And -- yeahhh.  The dates are too close.  It literally broke her mother's heart, "suddenly and at home".  In this beautiful home where she had brought so much good and so much God, where she poured her love so freely; in this home where her daughter began running around with the wrong crowd, taking wild advantage of parents who had to work to put the food in her stomach and the hair rinse she neeeeded and all of that ... she went Home.  

My heart is broken, too, my dear friend ... but I want to be so much more like you now, I'm trying not even to be angry that THIS DAUGHTER is the one posting all over social media beautiful photos of her beautiful life ... including tributes to her late mother .... 

... ok, I'm not as good as you were sitting at that desk beside me and teaching me about vision boards inbetween handling the switchboard, the ever-beeping fax, all of that ... so, I'll ask for your help ...

... just as I realize you must still be directing it like a sunbeam to your children -- including the wild child that broke your human heart but never, ever your soul

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