Wednesday, March 4, 2015

While I still have internet ... a free-form piece ....

This is something that just spilled out of my pen just now ... I want to preface this by saying what I wrote @ the bottom :  This is me.  This is my constant depression and self-anger.  If I could afford my medication, it would make me less irritable - more focused - maybe more able to complete tasks - but the sadness & overwhelming longing for my past, to relive RIGHTLY, would still be present.

I want to banish all the dark
   all the regrets -- all the dammed blown
-- Instead --
        I want to be a lovely young woman
           in perhaps that sleeveless lace dress w/ sandals
                with parents and a home and good grades!
                 living squarely
                              with the whole future, all of life, in
                               front of me
I want to round that corner
            and recreate my life - no
   live my life
   the way it should have! been lived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. ohhhh jeannee, you can't go back, you can't change the past but you can change the future. you really can!!!

    does writing this down help you?? saying the words help you release that sadness?? i wish i could help you. you should have access to the medication you need. most drug companies have programs where assistance is given to those who need it. in some instances, there is no cost to the patient what-so-ever!!! research the drugs on line and see if they have similar programs. also, doctors get free samples and are often able to help patients that way. depression is a serious problem, it should not be taken lightly and you should not have to live like this.

    if you want to banish the darkness you are on the right path. call you dr.'s office and speak to the nurses, they may be able to help you. and keep in touch with your friends, they can lift your spirits and help you to feel joy. i also use music to lift my spirits, the louder the better. bruce and john always help!! happy and this is going to be the best day of my life are 2 of my go to songs!!!