It's not pleasurable, & in some cases, it's too much so: Life W/O Antidepressants

Antidepressants and I work together for roughly a year; then, they quit on me, and something anew has to be prescribed .... This time, however, the ticking down of the clock on this particular medication was - for the first couple of months - to be so incremental, so slow, that it was hardly even realized -- but then, by the turn of the New Year -- and definitely what conveys this even more so is looking in bewilderment at the January calendar, and wondering where it all went?! because I just about got a load of laundry done and THAT WAS IT!

Not to worry:  I see my primary care in two weeks, and we'll begin the dance around the ballroom of life, on something new -- That said, let me give you a glimpse of what my life is without them, besides truncated --

I'm so, so, SO sad .... I'm in my dirty little apartment too much of the time, now because I'm crying my eyes out over anything and everything.  I have to monitor what content I take in, knowing that certain things are as verboten as wearing black or white to someone's wedding -- but, too, there is always content, always sudden news and happenings and events, that come crashing through my emotional front door with all the finesse of how the dumpster guy comes calling to empty our rustbucket wasteholder in the corner of the parking lot --

And oh brother! do I irritate easily! I have to watch out for what Joyce Meyer has preached about, 'A Spirit of Offense', which can happen when friends that swear you're like family, have events you're not invited to but get to hear all about on social media - the rational side of my brain tells me there was most likely a drinking part to it, but the raw, nerves exposed, side, makes me feel like that haunting line in the Janis Ian song 'At Seventeen' I always overidentified with.  

I also get much more claustrophobic - which may sound like it wouldn't be an issue (as well as very much craving sunlight and electric lights, in addition to the ocean - at least for the latter, there are videos! ) as I DON'T live alone:  I have two cats that I do love very much, who just love to come calling and plop on parts of my desk.  I love that!  I love them!  But sometimes its just all too much!!!  Bless there kitty hearts, they gave me space without so much as me having to whine and ask (repeatedly) and pick them up (repeatedly ...) yesterday, with Big Mama nesting in my coat, and Delilah on the back of this chair.  

Ahhh, soon this shall be but a mist-memory - and gratefully so!